呼吸も忘れて君の声遠く
「あなたは知るでしょう私．．．ここに．．．いない．．．」
Life's been pretty busy since I got back from Hawaii. I slipped back into my old routine, getting caught up on school, house stuff, and trying to put my life together. Still working on that last bit.
I had a bit of an epiphany out on the island. I don't really remember what it was - the cool breezes, the ocean air, or the breathtaking scenery - but I remember sitting on the rocks next to a Waikiki pier and thinking about the direction my life was taking. I didn't like it. Something about the road I had decided to take just didn't feel right and I realized fairly recently that I was relying too heavily on the opinions of outside sources. Sources who only want what's best for me, but push me just a little too hard to make decisions that I might not even be ready for.
Moving out and going to college is a huge step in anyone's life and I think I need to put more stock into what I want. Into what I want to do and not what these people think I should do. Having ten thousand degrees on my wall isn't going to make me successful, and it isn't going to make me happy. So maybe what I need is to look in another direction. Maybe.
Still working out the bugs, though.
The finals for my last class were hell. I finished with an A- in History and... a C in Algebra I. Not proud of that C. It's my first, and it pushed my GPA back to a 3.6. But that's okay. I'm over it. My only problem now is getting through Algebra II... And my IT class? Migraines are on their way, I just know it.
I already feel like I'm drowning. Slowly but surely, academia is killing me. It sounds a little pessimistic, but I'm honestly reaching the end of my rope. I'm at the point where I'm always worried about what's coming next, stressing over the next checkpoint and the next assignment when there are more important things to be focusing on. At least, I think they're more important.
But on a happier note, X Japan was fantastic. I'm so glad I dropped everything to go see them. :) It was the rock show to end all rock shows. I'm going to see Nickelback at the end of this month for Samantha's birthday. Yes, it's actually on her birthday. Really, it was fate. After that, Luna Sea at the Palladium in Hollywood. I can't wait.
California...
I left my heart in Los Angeles and I'm lost without it.
I wish my life was like that dream I had last night.
呼吸も忘れて君の声遠く
「あなたは知るでしょう私．．．ここに．．．いない．．．」
Listening To: 小さな森の人 - 土屋昌巳
