May has been a pretty good month.
After I wrapped up XCOM100 and ETH125, I got a week-long reprieve from the trials and tribulations of (online) college life. As it turns out, a little break was exactly what I needed. I spent my days doing nothing, my nights doing nothing, and all the in-between time doing absolutely nothing. One tends to take boredom for granted until one has it, whereupon boredom becomes incredible. I was totally burned out, but after that week of calm monotony, I felt so refreshed, and the week after that was even better.
Monday and Tuesday morning of last week consisted of unyielding movement; either I was busy cleaning house, packing, or making sure all the assignments for week one of my next classes were taken care of. But it was well worth it. I got to Las Vegas almost exactly when I planned to get there, met up with Charles at the airport, and checked into the hotel, all without a hitch. And given my reputation for running into snags when I'm on vacation, that's saying something. Sam knows it best; if something is capable of going wrong, it goes wrong on vacations. Particularly ours. We're convinced that it has something (everything) to do with a few promises we made while on I-710 back in 2007...
But that's a whole other blog entry waiting to happen.
The trip to Vegas was nothing short of awesome. I got to spend some time with an awesome person, visit a lot of places I've never had an excuse to visit (namely Gameworks), and splurge on stuff I would never splurge on otherwise (the spa at MGM, a swanky French restaurant in the Venetian). All in all, pretty epic.
I think my only regret is that I had to go home eventually. Four days and three nights sounds like a long time, especially when you're looking at your hotel bill, but it's really not. Sadly, the good times have to stop sometime and the real world with all its obligatory attachments has to take prevalence again. It's almost depressing having to go back to the monotony of working like a dog, but by that same token, the vacation was exactly what I needed to unwind. I still feel a little burnt out, but not nearly as much as I did before I arrived in Sin City.
Life since then has been a little... boring. Uneventful. I feel like I could be doing more than I am, but I don't know what more I could be doing besides working on the lawn, which is eating up pretty much all my free time in the evenings. I just don't have the energy or motivation to do... well, anything. I wouldn't call this feeling depression; I have nothing to be depressed over. I guess I'm just drained. College is all at once an essential building block and a ruthless soul-crusher, and the latter is usually more noticeable.
What it's all boiling down to is the same problem I've been struggling with for the past few years: I don't know what I want to do with my life. Sure, there are things that I like to do. Writing, cosmetology, music, psychology, film-making, culture studies. But I don't know which, if any of those things that I want to do for the rest of my life. I suppose I don't have to figure it out right away. There's no rush, is there? Still, my own indecisiveness is driving me crazy. I think I'm thinking about it too much. Just gotta let this form on its own. Like a scar.
I started reading Marilyn Manson's autobiography again. It's probably the third time in the past two years that I've picked it up, only this time, I can't put it down. The book is practically glued to my hand. I keep finding new philosophies and rationalizations for old ones in its pages and it's actually helping me to figure out a few things about myself and why I look at certain things the way that I do. Plus, reading about his life has rekindled my love for his music. I tend to blast music when I put on my makeup every afternoon and I'm absolutely loving having his albums on shuffle while I experiment with new ways to apply eyeshadow.
On other news, I'm hoping to head up to Phoenix on Thursday. She's heading back home from a week-long vacation (if you can call seven days spent recovering from mouth surgery a vacation) and she's swinging by my place on her way home to pick me up. Assuming nothing goes wrong with school, the house, or my car, I'll be hanging out with her until Sunday.
Then I get to go to California next Friday for the Miyavi shows. It's gonna be awesome. Two days of California dreamin' and rock'n'roll. It's been way too long since I've stood in line for a rock show. I think the last time was for An Cafe. A year ago... Wow. It really has been way too long. There's just something about dolling up in a kick-ass v-kei ensemble and roasting in the sun all day and then rocking out all night. It's probably the only thing in the world that still exhilarates me. Makes me feel alive.
I finally found someone to fix my car. The first mechanic I went to told me that the manifolds needed replacing and that the labor alone would cost me around $500. The second mechanic told me that he could offer a much cheaper hourly labor rate, which made me feel a lot better about the situation. Hopefully, he'll be able to track down the parts, too, because going to junkyard after junkyard myself doesn't sound like an appealing prospect. Either way, I'm getting a better deal. I'm so glad I decided to get a second opinion, since it frees up a lot of money that I can put toward a vacation or two. I really want to spend this summer traveling because once fall rolls around, I have to focus on college applications and whatnot.
The crickets are out en masse tonight and I can smell the river. It's very peaceful out here tonight. I'd like to stay out a little longer, but the gnats and the mosquitoes are making it impossible. Damn bugs. Go back to the riverbed where you belong!
I don't care if your world is ending today, because I wasn't invited to it, anyway. You said I tasted famous, so I drew you a heart, but now I'm not an artist - I'm a fucking work of art.
Listening to: (s)AINT - Marilyn Manson
