These past few months have been awful.
I don't feel like ranting about the little things since, really, it would only make me feel worse. At the moment, there's only one thing that's been causing me significant grief.
The long and the short of it is that I've felt extremely lonely.
I don't socialize anymore. Even on the forums I visit to roleplay, I don't really talk to anyone. I log on, I write in our stories, and then I crawl back into my shell. I've peeked into the socializing threads, contributed maybe once or twice, but then I duck out because I feel like I'm stepping into someone's conversation and being obnoxious. I lurk a little around the threads, I see people there chatting, and when I see that, I realize how few friends I really have.
If only for the sake of being completely clear, I feel obligated to mention that I don't feel intentionally left out. I've isolated myself from my peers on my own, albeit unintentionally, and it's coming back to gnaw at me. Finally. I look at my social life, my online life, and I don't really have much of either one. It's my own doing, I realize that now, but it's no less upsetting to go an entire day without talking to anyone. Connecting with anyone. I feel like I'm missing out on something really important and it's killing me.
Wow. Rereading the content of this post has made me sick. I don't like getting upset over this and making a big fuss. I'm just... sick of feeling completely detached from the world.
Now that you're caught, what am I supposed to say, when you're so wrong in what you did, but I still feel this way? I can't believe it or forget it, what I saw today, and if you're wondering if I'm staying, answer is no way.
Listening to: No Way - Lady Gaga
